This is the season for performance management dialogues, a pivotal moment where candor meets consequence.  Unfortunately, many people put off these conversations until the last minute, and don't prepare properly.

You Are Not Alone

If this is you, you are not alone.  Remarkably, a recent study unveils a hidden truth: 70% of managers sidestep difficult conversations.

So how can leaders prepare, and conduct these challenging conversations?

I found wisdom in the trenches of healthcare professionals. Whether tackling mental health or navigating Oncology and NICU scenarios, these individuals confront tough conversations daily.  Here is what I learned:

Start with Mindset

Dr. Paul Marciano, author and psychologist, wrote in in Psychology Today: "The first think you should do is take time out".  Reflect deeply, not just on the receiver's mindset but also on your own. Will it be a conflict or a conversation? Open your mind to possibilities, discard preconceived notions, and align with the values of candor and honesty. Remember, the avoidance of conversation is a disservice to growth.

Choreograph, Don’t Over-script

In the world of Oncology, new research shows the need to strike a delicate balance. While doctors benefit from standardized communication protocols when delivering bleak news, patients yearn for the authenticity of human emotions. So when preparing for tough conversations, anticipate potential trajectories without falling into the trap of over-scripting.

Sustain the Conversation

Ditch triggering language in favor of neutral queries. Shift from "Why didn’t you?" to "What that situation showed us was..."  Additionally, challenge the perceived paradox between honesty and kindness. As University of Chicago Psychologist, Dr. Emma Levine reminds us, "honesty and benevolence are compatible." As an example: "in the spirit of helping you achieve your goals, I want to be as clear as I can be". "Benevolent Honesty" creates the right environment for truth to emerge and sink in.

Wrap it Up

Check for understanding, allowing both parties to breathe. Post-conversation, let ideas marinate and rekindle the dialogue when the dust settles. Explore, evolve, and embrace new perspectives.

So, if you've been tiptoeing around that impending difficult dialogue, fear not. You stand in the company of many. Tune your mindset, plan without scripting, and use benevolent honesty as your anchor.